Fawad Khan, I regret falling in love with you and this is a rant explaining why so
I saw Ae Dil Hai Mushkil and came out of the theatre cursing myself for watching the film because of Fawad Khan. Before you think it’s another gush piece on what a heartthrob Fawad Khan is, wait and read it. It’s not about how good looking he is, it is about how his absence from Bollywood is making me regret ever loving him. Or watching Ae Dil Hai Mushkil for that matter.

Being a Fawad fan…sorry, correction. Being a Fawad Khan lover, I wanted to watch Ae Dil Hai Mushkil for a lot of reasons and Fawad is the major one. Kapoor & Sons only made my love for him reach maddening proportions and whatever glimpse I saw in ADHM made me restless to watch him on screen. So I did and came out regretting my decision. Don’t get me wrong. It is a decent film but the fact that it could be the last time I will watch Fawad on Bollywood screen, developed a lump in my throat. Yes, he is HOT! In fact, he should be the one word definition of being HOT effortlessly. He is also a good actor. The scenes that ADHM managed to give him, didn’t do any justice to that talent. Maybe that was a call to ensure its release. I don’t want to get into the logistics of how long his cameo was. What I am regretting is watching him at all. Even in those scenes he has managed to outshine everyone. Only person people are talking about after Shah Rukh Khan in the film is him. Those eyes, that smile and that look…the way he looks at Anushka Sharma SIGH! And that’s it! That’s the end. I won’t be able to see that again in Bollywood. And that HURTS!

Let me give a background of how my love for him grew to such proportions that it became difficult to breathe. So one day I was binge watching on TV when I saw the first promo of Zindagi Gulzar Hai on Zindagi channel. I found the plot really interesting because they showed initially how Kashaf, a headstrong girl, has fought all odds to get a seat in the university. Her family issues were monumental, but that didn’t deter her from her mission. I decided I have to watch this show and I started viewing it. And as I kept watching it, my interest moved from the storyline to the guy in the lead, a certain Fawad Khan. That was the beginning of my romance with him (I don’t care if he is blissfully unaware about the things he stirs in me every time I look at his picture or watch his movie). Slowly and steadily, he made a permanent place in my heart making it difficult to think about anyone except him. You can ask my colleague who was frustrated at my love odes to him and the constant, Zaroon Junaid, SIGH! (That by the way was the name of his character from the show). I watched every little video available on the internet about him and found myself more close to him. Sounds creepy? Could be but what the hell… However, I regret falling in love with him now! (Also read: Karan Johar’s video statement confirms that Fawad Khan’s film with Katrina Kaif is shelved)

When I saw him for the first time on TV, I had just vaguely heard about a few Pakistani actors who were gearing up to debut in Bollywood. Fawad was one of them. I was crushing on him so hard after binge watching all his shows on the internet, it was not even funny. Last time I had gone so bonkers over a man on silver screen was in 2000 when Hrithik Roshan had asked, Kaho Naa…Pyaar Hai and I had screamed, “Hai, hai hai!” (Also read: Fawad Khan PERFECT for Christian Grey’s role in Bollywood version of Fifty Shades of Grey, says Harshvardhan Kapoor)

Khoobsurat was thus a film I would rather die than not watch. And thanks to my profession, I even got to meet him in person. Imagine the condition of my heart! But now I feel it was all for nothing. I fell for a man who can never be mine (I mean he was not for my taking anyway, married and all *rolling eyes*). But now I won’t even get to watch him on Bollywood’s big screen ever again.

You all are aware of the ban imposed on Pakistani artistes by MNS and IMPPA. Even Bollywood has become divided on the issue. Last hope was Karan Johar who despite having his film Ae Dil Hai Mushkil in peril, had sided with Fawad and others from our neighbouring country. But his video proved that he isn’t working with him again and so Fawad’s film with Katrina Kaif goes bust. With it, my heart has broken into pieces.

To be honest, when I started fawning over Fawad, it didn’t matter to me where he was working. I just wanted more and more work of his to devour, to stare at him, to gawk at him, to curse my life for not meeting him when he was 17 so that he could marry me instead. And then feeling miserable that there can be just one Fawad Khan and he too is taken! Such is life, you see. But then Khoobsurat was announced and I saw him for the first time at the film’s trailer. While talking to someone, he asked for his ‘Einak’. That’s Hindi for spectacles…and man my love for him hit the roof. I am a person who loves anyone whose Hindi is good and as we all know Pakistanis have just nail the language. So much adab and grace…Sigh! There were many collective sighs in the audience every time he spoke. Later when I met him, I thought I won’t be able to ask any question. And mind you, it wasn’t happening in a group but one on one. Me in front of the man I have fantasised like crazy (Hrithik you will be my first love, always and forever)… gooseflesh moment of my life and career.

I introduced myself and extended my hand. He accepted it and smiled. Earth beneath me threatened to vanish. I reminded myself I am a professional. I can’t be fawning over an actor and forget my job. Trust me, it isn’t easy. He had stood up to welcome me and sat only after I did. Chivalry? Uff, this man has to slip or I will slip, voices inside my head were saying. I started asking him questions regarding the film, he smiled, spoke to me politely, seemed amazed that I have watched all his shows. The more he spoke, ‘La la la la’ from Sagar became pronounced in my head. I went home very proud of my decision to choose journalism as my decision.

But today, I regret every bit of it. I regret watching Zindagi Gulzar Hai five times, I regret meeting him, I regret being happy for the fact that he will be in Bollywood, I regret that I felt that one more good actor will join the industry, I regret LOVING HIM. I REGRET WATCHING AE DIL HAI MUSHKIL.

Fawad will not be able to work in any Hindi films from now on and I don’t know if he will do more of Pakistani dramas. That means I might never get to watch him anywhere and that has broken my heart to shreds. This means he is over for me. I just hope I manage to get over him. Yes, it might sound like a breakup and trust me, for someone who has loved him, it is nothing short of that.

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