Red carpet event coverage is some of the most love-to-hate television in our culture, the brouhaha and pomp of the glamorous people in fancy dresses and tuxedos imbibed from the comforts of our own homes, often with wine and sweatpants. The regular rotation of hosts—E!’s Giuliana and Terrence J, most reliably, if reliably grating—preserves each event with the required breathless enthusiasm, inquiring quizzically about who are you wearing and how are you feeling and what will you do if you win.

You can’t really blame a host for the banality of these questions, primarily because red carpets ask each attendee to spend a preordained block of time with media outlets literally on the sidewalk to the venue; it is often less than the amount of time it takes you to give directions to a tourist. But also because these questions serve a very specific purpose—at their basest, by perpetuating the capitalist merry-go-round that is the red-carpet-approved designer, via a massive tangle of professional stylists acting as conduits between moneyed fashion houses and the biggest names. Truly, more creative questions are possible, but for the most part the host is there to blend in, and to prop up the celebrities who have granted their precious time and cachet to the outlet.

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